VINCE'S JOURNAL

IF I WERE KING
I would make TV news producers admit that they are unhappy unless they have a big juicy holocaust as their lead story on the five o'clock news. I would make news anchors stop exaggerating every forest fire story with tales of enormous destruction of buildings which turn out to be incinerated chicken coops and an old tool shed or two.

WEATHER (You Can't Win Dept.)
Hey, it wasn't raining when I woke up this morning. But the forecast is for more heavy wind and rain. I wonder if the farmers are happy with all the water in their fields. Of course it doesn't matter what the weather is, some farmers always complain about destroyed crops and water-damaged almonds. I guess they're right. Timing is everything. However, when the timing for rain or sun is just right and the crops grow like mad, that's bad news too. Then the market is glutted and the price falls out the bottom. Pity the poor farmers.

GOLF
My new swing quit working. It is a mystery why I can't maintain a consistent swing. 'Course even pros have trouble at times. A pro can shoot 75 one day and 65 the next. It must all be feel.

GARDENING
One of the old privet trees fell over in the storm last night -- missed everything, did no damage. It's the first lucky break I've had all year. The onions and garlic. as far as I can see from the shoots above ground, are undamaged by all the rain. Parsley is doing well and even spreading out. And hey, the back lawn is coming up thick and green. That's a mystery since I neglected the back lawn all summer, just let it turn brown. It must be some drought resistant grass planted by the former owners of this property 30 years ago. Good on them!

PETS
Tommy the cat is disoriented in this stormy weather. He's frightened of the wind, frightened of things that fall over on the deck and go BOOM! He's frightened when the camp robbers come down to eat the birdseed I put out for them. He still hides out in the garage at night and takes his meals there. Nothing is more bedraggled than a bedraggled cat. Sufferin Succotash! I'd be glad to let that cat inside the house to get warmed up but he is afraid -- and rightly so -- that if I ever catch him I'll throw him in the sausage grinder! His mom was wild and I guess she taught Tommy the most important survival trick: don't trust those humans!

SEXUAL PREFERENCE (I'm still in favor of it)
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NOW HERE'S THE REAL REASON FOR MY JOURNAL

I PLAN TO GET RICH

It's not a complicated plan.

Just a simple little concept.

THE WHOLE IDEA IS TO GET YOU TO MAKE ME RICH!

GET IT?

See, to make me rich, all you have to do is:

1) Get on PayPal and
2) Email me five or ten bucks --->> vgjohnson@wizwire.com

Simple, isn't it? Yet so incredibly powerful!

And each day I'll report in my journal how much cash I've taken in.

That way you get in on the excitement too!

BTW, if you don't send me any money then at least email your flimsy excuse to: vgjohnson@wizwire.com

If I think your excuse is imaginative, showing deep thought, I may let it slide.

NOW HERE'S HOW MUCH CASH I'VE COLLECTED SO FAR ---->>: $00.00.
Nothing yet? What is happening?! This is unbelievable! I mean, come on, gang! Puhleeze! How tough can this be?

Now here's YOUR Payoff:
You Get to Read All the Exciting Stuff in My Daily Journal! (while thousands cheer).

Is that a deal or what?

Okay, let's get this thing rolling.

Don't be a slacker.

Vince